STEPHEN FALA: I’m Stephen Fala, and you’re listening to Pipe and Drape, the only podcast that spotlights the creative minds behind the theatre for young audiences industry.
[The Dinky Pipe and Drape theme plays.]
In this “dinky” episode I’m going to talk about the special “work buddy” bond that happens on the road—tour marriage. Thank you for listening today.
[Voice of Elaine Stritch appears out of nowhere singing "The Little Things You Do Together" from Stephen Sondheim's Company.]
“It's the little things you do togetherDo togetherDo togetherThat make perfect relationshipsThe hobbies you pursue together,Savings you accrue together,Looks you misconstrue together,Tha make marriage a joy.M-hm...”
The term “tour wife,” coined from the terrifying description “prison wife,” is something known throughout the theatre community. It’s a phrase used in touring productions to describe someone’s best friend on the road. This kind of marital relationship exists in every job, theatrical or not. A work spouse is that coworker who is your daily lunch date, the first person from the office you text to make after-work plans, the person to whom you give side eye throughout the day because Oh I Think You Know, all that. This person knows your secrets from outside of work, the dreams you hold that you would never share with HR, and they’re one of the only people at work who have heard you fart. So, if you haven’t toured before, imaging taking your best work friend on a three to nine month road trip. And on that road trip you sweat, laugh, and cry together in strange places all over the country. And then imagine that after that road trip, you and your work friend go your separate ways to work other jobs in other cities. That’s what it’s like to have a tour spouse.
I’ve had several tour souses within the last decade; some have moved away, some I see very often, but they all still hold a very special place in my heart because of the experiences we shared. My scrapbook pages from tour are filled with pictures taken with or taken by my tour spouse. If an outsider looked through my photos, they would think I’m in a new relationship every time I go out on the road. Tour marriages are often mistaken for romantic relationships, but a showmance is something different. Showmances are romantic relationships that exist only in the timeframe of the contract and make HR upset. That being said, some people meet their forever partners while working on a show, and the showmace becomes a real world romance, or “romance.” Tour spouses are partners in a sexless marriage that end up lifelong friends.
[A computerized clarinet plays the first few measures of “Ten Minutes Ago” from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella.]
One night/morning at a Denny’s on the outskirts of Minneapolis during my first week of rehearsal my coworker Dianne ordered bacon “in the shape of an S” and asked me to do a shot of coffee creamer with her and that’s when I knew I was in love with her. Dianne and I were either on stage, on an adventure, or planning an adventure to embark upon the minute we got off the the busses. Between each tour stop we had a dozen tabs open in our internet browsers, each with information about attractions or lists of things visitors must do in our next destination. We’d make a list of things we knew we’d have time to do, and we’d always find more things to see as we checked off that list. We stopped in many antique stores, various history museums, and more art exhibits than I can count. We did the big tourist things like Meow Wolf outside of Santa Fe to unusual things like writing letters to Santa at a diner in State College. We laughed until we cried nearly every day, and always told ourselves “yes and” when we debated whether or not we should do something. We bit into jalapeño peppers at Big Texan Steak Ranch, swung in hammocks that were not ours in Albany, hugged and kissed trees in Lincoln, took a joyride on a hotel trolly, rolled down a hill, picked fingernails in the Target parking lot, all of that and more. Tour can be exhausting so of course we had the occasional night in: ciders by a pool covered in snails, face masks in bed, working on a song cover with our retainers in.
There tends to never be a true “goodbye” in theatre. The community is so small, and parties, other contracts, or social media always bring creatives back together. Saying goodbye to my tour wife Dianne was very difficult. It wasn’t a break up, it wasn’t a divorce, but it was a true physical separation from my adventure partner. Dianne made my experience on the road so special, and I feel so lucky to have been her tour husband. We are currently continents apart, so I am grateful for the invention of video calls and social media that allow me to see all the wonderful acting and modeling work that she’s doing down in Sydney.
I’m grateful for all of the shared adventures I’ve had while traveling and all of the tour marriages I’ve had.
[Elaine Stritch appears again this time with the rest of the Company cast.]
“It's so hard to be married--I've done it three or four times.”
Many people I’ve worked with know my story. The short length of a theatrical contract accelerates the timeline of friendship between coworkers, and given that vulnerability is a huge part of being a performer it’s no wonder that most casts know each other’s secrets, hopes, traumas, and dreams within just a few weeks. My tour spouses know me better than anyone I’ve worked with because in addition to learning the roadmap of my past, they ran new, uncharted miles by my side.
[Pipe and Drape theme plays.]
You can join the conversation about theatre for young audiences and find more Pipe and Drape content including photos, quotes, and TYA news on Instagram @PipeAndDrapeStories. And please be sure to rate and review Pipe and Drape wherever you listen to podcasts! Each star given or review submitted helps future listeners to find the show. Be sure to tune in every other Tuesday to hear theatre for young audiences creatives share their pipe and drape stories. Pipe and Drape is created and hosted by Stephen Fala and distributed by Anchor. Artwork for Pipe and Drape was created by Stephen Gordon and music was composed by Stephen Fala. Thank you for listening with me today.
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Host: Stephen Fala
Artwork: Stephen Gordon